


Nails

by DoomedKelpie



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Batman - Freeform, Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25533208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoomedKelpie/pseuds/DoomedKelpie
Summary: This is a completely serious conversation between Sherlock and John after John notices something strange about Sherlock's nails.
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	Nails

“Um, Sherlock?”  
“Hm?”  
“What’s that stuff… on your nails…?”  
Sherlock continued mixing the contents of various test tubes.  
“Even Anderson would know what it is. Therefore, it’s a stupid question to ask.”  
“It’s just… You’ve never…”  
“And your point is what, John?”  
“Well, it seems out of character.”  
“And you’re going to grow a mustache in season three. Which is worse?”  
“Would you stop breaking the fourth wall and answer my question? I’m just curious.”  
“Curiosity killed a bunch of murder victims.”  
“What?”  
“You heard me.”  
“Just answer me, Sherlock.”  
“I was bored.”  
“You were bored?”  
“I just said that.”  
“I can’t believe this. It’s unacceptable! I don’t care how board you are, Sherlock! Neon green nail polish in no way matches any of the clothes you’re wearing or any of the clothes in your closet! I mean, of all the colors you could have chosen!”  
Sherlock started peeling an orange and puting the peel in one of the tubes.  
“Don’t be a hater, John.”  
“Haters gonna hate.”  
“GO AWAY, MYCROFT!”  
Mycroft, who was sleeping in the fridge during the conversation, slithered out of the vegetable drawer and through the door.  
“Why do we even have a vegetable drawer for him to hide in? It’s always full of severed fingers, not vegetables.”  
“Same thing. He used to chomp off people’s fingers all the time.”  
“STOP SPREADING LIES ABOUT THE BRITISH GOVERNMENT, SHERLOCK!”  
“GO AWAY, MYCROFT!”  
“YOU’RE A BUTT NOODLE!”  
“AND YOU’RE A #@%#@%&@*@(@$(&$^*$^%$^$%$@@%^&^$@@$$$^$^(@$^($@&@$%%@@**(***$!”  
“THERE ISN’T EVEN A CURSEWORD THAT LONG!”  
“THE READERS CAN USE THEIR IMAGINATION, MYCROFT!”  
“STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!”  
“John, how can you be taking his side on this?”  
“I’m not taking sides, Sherlock!”  
“I can’t believe I never saw this before… How could I have been so stupid?!”  
“What are you talking about?”  
“It’s so obvious!”  
“Seriously, what-?”  
“I know what you are.”  
Johns eyes widened in surprise before a look of resignation found its way to his face.  
“Say it.”  
“You’re…”  
Sherlock hesitated, knowing that what he said next could possibly alter existence itself.  
“You’re…”  
He took a deep breath in before he continued.  
“…Batman.”  
“How did you figure it out?”  
“Only Batman can see the true color of my nail polish… Everyone else sees it as purple… but Batman sees it as green.”  
“CURSE MY OPINIONS ON MY FRIEND’S CHOICE OF NAIL POLISH COLORS!”  
“I’m sorry, John… I have to send you back to your kingdom. The narwhals have made me swear to return their ruler to them.”  
“BUT I’M YOUR BEST FRIEND!... and they’re really whiny.”  
“I don’t have a choice, John! If I don’t, Mycroft will become even more annoying than before!”  
“You can’t mean…”  
“Yes.”  
“That’s impossible!”  
“Sadly, it’s not.”  
“No.”  
“Yes… Mycroft will turn into a sentient piece of citrus fruit.”  
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!”  
Sherlock nodded gravely.  
“Alright… I’ll go… But Sherlock, please, remember me.”  
“I could never forget you, John… no, Batman.”  
And so, he tied on his cape and flew out the window to the magical land of the narwhal kingdom.  
The End.


End file.
